Why friendships fade (and it's not your fault)
Most adult friendships don't end with a fight — they quietly dissolve through neglect. Work, family, and the sheer exhaustion of modern life make it easy to lose touch with people who matter to you. You tell yourself you'll reach out "when things calm down," and then a year passes.
The problem isn't that you don't care. It's that you're applying a high-effort maintenance model (deep calls, long visits, elaborate plans) to a life that can only support a low-effort one. This tool helps you build a system that fits your actual energy level.
How the schedule is generated
The AI considers three factors to create your personalized schedule:
**Your extroversion level** determines your social energy budget. An introvert (score 1-4) needs longer recovery time between social interactions and benefits from asynchronous methods like texts and voice notes. An extrovert (score 7-10) can sustain more frequent check-ins without burnout.
**Relationship closeness** sets the floor for minimum contact frequency. Close friends need more regular touchpoints to feel maintained; acquaintances can survive happily on quarterly contact.
**Your availability** filters out unrealistic suggestions. If you only have weekends free, a schedule built around weekday coffee breaks will fail immediately.
The energy cost system
Each contact is assigned an energy cost rating:
- **Low**: Async, low-pressure interactions — sending a meme, leaving a voice note, sharing an article. Requires almost no mental preparation and can be done in 60 seconds. - **Medium**: Short synchronous contact — a 15-minute call, a quick in-person catch-up. Requires some scheduling but minimal recovery time. - **High**: Deep engagement — long dinners, travel together, emotionally intensive conversations. Reserve these for your highest-priority relationships and schedule recovery time afterward.
The goal is to weight your calendar toward Low and Medium interactions so that High-energy ones don't deplete your entire social budget.
How to use this tool
1. Add the names of people you want to stay connected with 2. Set each person's closeness level (Close Friend, Good Friend, or Acquaintance) 3. Move the extroversion slider to your honest position — don't aspirationally set it higher than you are 4. Select your actual availability window 5. Click **Generate My Schedule** and let the AI build a realistic plan 6. Review each contact's recommended frequency and method — adjust mentally for any that feel off 7. Set phone reminders or calendar events for the check-ins that matter most
FAQs
Q: What if I can't keep up with the schedule? A: The schedule is a starting point, not a contract. If you miss a check-in, the friendship doesn't expire. One text apologizing for the silence is enough to restart most relationships.
Q: Should I tell my friends I'm using a schedule? A: Most people won't notice or care. What they notice is whether you reach out at all. A scheduled "thinking of you" text feels the same as a spontaneous one to the recipient.
Q: What's the minimum viable effort to keep a friendship alive? A: Research suggests that even very weak contact (a like on a post, a one-sentence text) maintains a sense of connection over time. Frequency matters more than depth for most friendships.
Q: What if I have too many people on the list? A: That's the point of the tool. If your schedule shows you need 8 hours a week to maintain your current network and you only have 2, you need to either reduce the list or accept that some relationships will naturally fade. That's a valid choice.
Q: Does this work for family relationships too? A: Yes. Family obligations often carry more guilt than friendships — the tool gives you a structured way to maintain contact without over-committing.
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