What is the Conflict Triage Decision Tree?
Most people know when something bothers them. What they struggle with is knowing what to do about it. Should you say something? Should you draw a firm line? Or is this one of those situations where the wisest move is to release it and move on?
The Conflict Triage Decision Tree is an AI-powered tool designed to cut through that uncertainty. It asks you five specific, research-informed questions about a grievance, then analyzes your answers to deliver one of three clear recommendations: set a hard boundary, have a direct conversation, or let it go entirely.
The tool draws on established frameworks from conflict resolution research, interpersonal psychology, and communication theory. The five questions are not arbitrary — each one targets a distinct dimension of conflict that, in combination, reliably predicts the most effective response.
Frequency tells you whether you are dealing with an isolated incident or a pattern. A single lapse in judgment reads very differently from entrenched behavior that recurs week after week.
Safety and wellbeing impact is the most critical filter. When a situation compromises your physical safety, emotional health, or fundamental dignity, the calculus changes entirely. Normal social friction does not require the same response as a genuine threat to your integrity.
Prior attempts reveal the other person's capacity and willingness to change. Someone who has never heard your concern deserves the opportunity to respond. Someone who has ignored the same request repeatedly is telling you something important about how much your needs matter to them.
Relationship type shapes what responses are realistic and appropriate. The dynamics between close friends, casual acquaintances, and professional colleagues are genuinely different, and a good conflict resolution strategy accounts for that.
Daily life impact measures the ongoing cost of the situation. Some things sting when they happen but fade quickly. Others quietly erode your wellbeing, concentration, and sense of self — even if each individual incident seems small.
Together, these five questions give the AI enough signal to deliver a well-reasoned, specific recommendation rather than vague advice to "communicate better." The tool also provides a confidence score, clear reasoning, concrete action steps, a warning sign to watch for, and an honest assessment of what happens if you do nothing.
The three outcomes explained
**Set a Hard Boundary**
A hard boundary is not a threat or an ultimatum. It is a clear statement of what you will and will not accept, paired with a consequence that you are prepared to follow through on. The tool recommends this path when safety or wellbeing is at stake, when behavior is constant and has not responded to prior attempts, or when the relationship dynamic has become fundamentally unhealthy. Setting a hard boundary requires courage, but it is also an act of self-respect — and sometimes the most honest and caring thing you can do for both parties.
**Have a Conversation**
Direct conversation is appropriate when the other person may not fully understand how their behavior is affecting you, when the relationship is worth investing in, and when there is a realistic chance that honest communication could shift things. This is not about confrontation — it is about clarity. Many conflicts persist simply because neither party has said, plainly and without defensiveness, what they need. The tool will suggest specific steps for how to approach this conversation effectively.
**Let It Go**
Letting go is not the same as suppressing your feelings or pretending the situation did not happen. It means making an active, deliberate choice that the emotional energy required to address this conflict exceeds what you stand to gain. This is often the right call for one-time incidents, minor friction in casual relationships, or situations where the impact on your daily life is genuinely low. Choosing to release something is a form of strength, not weakness — it frees attention and energy for things that matter more.
How to use
1. Describe the situation in your own words. Be specific — include what happened, who was involved, and any relevant context. The more detail you provide, the more accurate the analysis will be. 2. Answer question one about frequency. Choose whether the behavior happened once, occurs periodically, or is effectively constant in your interactions with this person. 3. Answer question two about safety and wellbeing. Be honest with yourself here. This is not just about physical safety — emotional abuse, persistent humiliation, and violations of your fundamental dignity all count. 4. Answer question three about prior attempts. Have you already raised this issue? If so, how many times and what happened? This tells the AI how much runway the other person has already been given. 5. Answer question four about the relationship. Select the category that best describes how you relate to this person — close (friend, family, partner), casual (neighbor, acquaintance), or professional (colleague, boss, client). 6. Answer question five about daily life impact. Think about how often you find yourself thinking about this situation, how it affects your mood, sleep, or focus, and whether it is getting better or worse over time. 7. Click "Analyze This Conflict" and wait 10-30 seconds for the AI to process your answers. You will receive a verdict, confidence score, reasoning, action steps, a warning sign to watch for, and an honest look at the cost of inaction.
FAQs
Q: What does "let it go" actually mean in practice? A: It means making a conscious choice not to act, rather than stewing in resentment. In practical terms, this might involve journaling about your feelings, talking to a trusted friend, or simply giving yourself permission to stop spending mental energy on the situation. It does not mean you have to like what happened or that the other person was right.
Q: When should I set a hard boundary? A: Hard boundaries are warranted when a situation involves your safety or core wellbeing, when the behavior is persistent and has already resisted prior attempts at resolution, or when continuing to tolerate the behavior is causing ongoing harm to your mental or physical health. The key distinction from "have a conversation" is that a boundary comes with a clearly stated consequence — something you are genuinely prepared to enforce.
Q: What if my situation does not fit neatly into the answer options? A: Choose the answer that comes closest to your situation. The AI uses your answers as signals, not rigid categories, and the free-text description of your situation gives it important additional context. If you are torn between two options for a given question, pick the one that feels slightly more accurate and let the reasoning help you decide if it needs adjustment.
Q: Can this tool be used for workplace conflicts? A: Yes. The "Professional" relationship option in question four is specifically designed for workplace dynamics — colleagues, managers, direct reports, and clients. The action steps the AI provides will be calibrated appropriately for a professional context, including suggestions that account for HR processes and organizational power dynamics.
Q: What if the AI's recommendation does not feel right? A: Trust your instincts. This tool is designed to help you think more clearly, not to override your judgment. If the recommendation surprises you, read the reasoning carefully — sometimes the surprise is valuable signal. But you know your situation better than any algorithm does, and the final decision is always yours.
Q: How is this different from just flipping a coin? A: The five questions target the specific variables that research on conflict resolution consistently identifies as most predictive of outcomes: severity, pattern, prior communication, relationship type, and ongoing impact. The AI weighs these together in ways that are difficult to do clearly when you are emotionally activated. The goal is to give you structured outside perspective, not to replace your judgment.
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